last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
