It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
