my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
