ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
