O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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