So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
