wanna go halves on a baby?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
