I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
