wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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