New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
