Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
