could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
two words: eviction party
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
