He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
