why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
