we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
