Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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