Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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