i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
