just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
