Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i dont even know how to be here
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't deserve a penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
