Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
