I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
