I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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