if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
