is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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