ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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