I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
