OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dick has a subreddit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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