I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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