Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
