fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
