i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
