Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
