Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
