You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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