He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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