I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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