Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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