Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
