Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
