coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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