I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
