I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My cat gives me a boner
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
