you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
