I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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