im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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