Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
