Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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