I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I intend to get homeless drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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