Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
